Am I really a believer? Do I really believe that there is a God who loves me? Is there a God at all? I know I say I do, but how do I act? Do I live like there is a Supreme Being who created me and only wants the best for me?
I have to ask myself this a lot. Not because I don’t believe in my heart, but because I know how I think on good days as well as on bad days. I’m not perfect, for sure, but I have found that if I am not on guard every moment of every day, some seriously wrong thoughts creep into my mind.
Do I really appreciate God for all He has done for me? Not just for providing for me everyday, but for forgiving me for all my fleshly sins. Everything that I have done that has been for my own convenience and not with integrity of my heart. Everything that I have done for my own comfort rather than for your justice. For allowing the abundance of selfishness, lust and fear and jealousy to enter my household through the media and outside influences intent to pull me away from the only One who loves me unconditionally.
Do I recognize sin? Do I even know what it really is and how it relates to the God whom I believe in? Do I know what He wants for my life and am I brave enough to go after it in His name? Who am I in the scheme of all things?
Do I believe that there is a devil? Someone who hates God and all that He stands for with every ounce of his being. Someone who would do anything to take all that God loves away from Him and induce suffering, pain and death. Do I think that this devil has any influence on me or do I live my daily life in denial of any such being?
Where do I start believing and how do I live my life, as an individual, to show what I believe not to you necessarily, but to myself?
If I believe in God, my Creator, then I must also believe there is a devil who counteracts everything that God stands for. If I believe in good, then I believe in evil, for we cannot have one without the other. If I believe in light, then I believe in darkness, for we cannot have one without the other. Where do I fit in?
I have participated in both light and darkness. I have done both good and bad. I have not proven to myself that I am on one side or the other. But I know that I must choose and live my life to its fullest in regards to that choice, or my life, as I have lived it, will choose for me.
As I focus on all that I have done, good and bad, I discover Who God is and what He has done for me. As I imagine Jesus Christ hanging on the Cross, giving Himself to save me from eternal darkness, I realize that my life must reflect the love and appreciation I have for His sacrifice. I must learn all that He intends for me to learn and live my life in light, illuminating the darkness that surrounds me rather than being snuffed out. I will recognize my own sin, all that I have done that God hates, and beg Him for grace.
His forgiveness exceeds all other blessings, no matter how big or small they may seem. That is what I believe and that is how I will live.