It’s hard for me to allow God’s character to grow in me when I’m so busy being offended by everything and everyone in this world. I recognize so many things that are happening around me, even family members are showing the colors of selfishness these days, and it’s hard for me not to get angry. How can I let my emotions have my heart when the most important thing right now is to keep my focus on what God is doing specifically for me?
I look at how far I have come in the last 20 years and I realize that without God, I would be on the opposite spectrum. I can see every time God stepped in and saved me from circumstances. I can feel His love for me as I went through some very difficult times, especially in my childhood. He didn’t just save my soul, He saved my heart.
When I was old enough to move out from underneath my mother’s wing, I did. I moved straight in with a boy that I thought was true love and we would be together forever. I was wrong and had to suffer for my actions. He turned out to be an alcoholic and not dependable at all to pay the bills. I learned very quickly that I was going to be the stable one in that relationship and decided that I was too young to be the mother of a 19 year old. Quite frankly, I was more interested in partying myself than having to take care of someone else, so I left and found a place by myself..
In a way, it was a good move but in another, I should have just gone back to mom and figured out how to survive on my own while getting an education. Eventually, that’s exactly what I did, but I had to go through some murky waters to get there. I landed myself in some financial trouble, but thankfully not so much that I wasn’t out of it fairly quickly. Two things: a. Always balance your checkbook!! b. Don’t use the debit card unless you always keep your balance current and in arm’s reach so you don’t get overdrawn!
Looking back at all of my silly mistakes in my young adult life, I see that I was no different from the young people today. The only difference is I had no cell phone, no Facebook, no blogging, no computer and no constant contact with everyone all around the world 24 hours a day. I had time to myself and I knew how I wanted to spend it, with nothing distracting me. These kids today have no idea how to be alone and enjoy it.
When I look at it that way, instead of getting angry over the way the world is,there may be something I can do to help. I can’t just sit back and watch anymore because my emotions will start to take over again and it won’t do anyone any good. I have to get involved with the people around me and give them the opportunity to learn how to enjoy life in an “old school” kind of way. If I’m willing to get involved a little more, perhaps then God will able to work His way into changing me to be more like Him.
He planted the seed in me when I accepted Jesus and surrendered to Him as Lord. I have been watering it here and there with the food from His Word but I haven’t let much sunshine in because I don’t get out there with the people who need my light on a daily basis. Oh, I do well on the phone when I’m at work and I think I spread a good amount of light, but here at home, it’s a different story. I do my crafts but they stay in the basement. I’m going to try something different and hopefully God will point the way on this one. Who knows? To bring myself and others closer to God is what He has called me to do and I am doing nothing but being disobedient when I criticize others without trying to make a difference. Now God can grow in me.