Mercy

I’m a liar.  I’m a cheater.  I’m a thief.  I’m lazy.  I’m blasphemous.  I’m adulterous.  I’m selfish.  I’m envious.  Wow.  I think I could go on all day with different descriptive words about me that would just tear my spirit down and not encourage anyone, most of all, me.  But the fact is, they are all true.

I don’t intentionally get up in the morning to do anything to make me be one of the things listed above. I don’t believe many people do.  When I don’t get up in the morning and think of my Best Friend and how I might please Him, though, I tend to do exactly that.  None of us are able to make our days perfect without Divine help and even then, the world might not perceive it as a perfect day.  Our perception is so important to realizing how incredible our relationship with God really is.

I have to internalize that thought every day just to get through.  How weak is that?  But I am weak.  That’s what makes me so glad, because that is how I recognized my desperate need for God and His Strength.  On the days that I really get to experience it, I am overwhelmed with joy and gratefulness.  It’s hard to describe.  All I know is that what I feel, none of you have felt.  Just as I have never felt like any of you in your most intimate moments with the Lord.  I truly believe he has given us such a unique relationship that our reactions are unique as well.  The only similarity is our recognition of our need for Him and hopefully our thankfulness.

That’s the only explanation I have when I hear other people talking about their experiences with God and I cannot fathom what they are talking about.  I understand having confidence in Him, but I cannot see being overly confident because then we leave out the all important humility.  I think the over-confidence I’m talking about is when a person is believing for God to answer a specific prayer without knowing beyond knowing that it is God’s will.  It’s almost as if we believe that our will IS God’s will, and I have personally seen that is not the case.  So, when I’ve been praying for something and the obstacles become harder to overcome and the result I’m hoping for isn’t in sight, I don’t give up, but I do try to relinquish the “will” part over to Him.  After all, what if this prayer of mine is my will only and not His?  I leave it to Him to give me the wisdom to accept whatever the outcome may be.  He will tell me His will in His time, and I must trust that in the meantime He has got me covered.

So, I’m still a liar, cheater, thief, lazy, blasphemous, adulterous, selfish and envious.  I don’t deny it because without it I would never have been able to obtain God’s grace and mercy.  I don’t continue to behave in those ways, but that behavior will always be a part of me somewhere.  I prefer to leave it in my past, but I must be on guard in order to keep it there.  That’s why I wake up and start thinking about my God.  He helps me keep all those things in the past, so I can go forward and focus on pleasing Him.  I’ll not be perfect until He changes me, but that’s not my goal.  My goal is only to please Him, and recognize that He made me a saint.

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