One of the most difficult weeks in my life is now behind me. I am finding myself a little lost because I won’t be able to see her today, or any other day, because she passed a away three days ago. Funeral arrangements occupied my mind the last two days, but here I am today waiting to see how I handle 4:00pm.
Two weeks ago, if I had read those sentences, I would have balked and thought to myself, “how selfish!” I still believe it’s very selfish, but it also is a part of the process, and unfortunately, I have to go through it. I don’t want to. I want to be able to pick right up and do my job and go find another person who has no one to spend my time and energy. The rewards I got, even if it may seem insignificant, were the multiple hugs, and thanks and honest love while she was here. Frankly, I miss her. I know it’s selfish because she was 94 years old and didn’t have much of a life anymore, but she was there for me. Having said that, I am vowing to take what I have learned from her and move forward to spread what she gave me. This is what I learned…
Love is not a convenience. Love is deliberate and time consuming. We all claim to love people or pets or other things, but we don’t admit the things that take up most of our time are the things we really love. Our jobs take up most of our time, for instance. Hopefully, the job you have is fulfilling and helpful to humanity, but even so, do you love the job or is it the paycheck you really love? A lot of people I know are working only for the paycheck. So, the love of things and money is the priority of life for them. A lot of people I know love to be entertained, so they spend their time watching TV, going to shows or ballgames and miss out on participating in life. I think these things are necessary for us to be happy, but too much of it is bad. The one thing I have not seen from a lot of people is the dedication to show one person the love that Christ showed us. I hope it’s because they don’t go around advertising their selflessness and are just doing what Christ told us to do. What I have seen, though, is that most people are so consumed with the activities of their jobs, children, spouses and homes, that they have no time for anyone else.
I was like that for a long time. Yes, I was involved in my church, but not for the right reasons, so I don’t even count that. Actually, I didn’t get the real meaning of love and Jesus’ love for me until this past year. Isn’t that wonderful? God NEVER quits on us! He kept at me until I finally opened my heart enough to grasp His meaning of love. Okay, I admit it, He opened my heart. But He opened it through the time I spent with my friend and helping her. My prayer has been that she is submitted and devoted to Jesus Christ, and now that she is resting in His presence.
I think today at 4:00pm I will be okay. I think I will wait for God to lead me to someone new that I can love and show His love the way he needs me to.