Am I fake?

Ask any Christian what is the most important purpose and you will probably hear something about giving God glory and living to please Him. Pleasing God is living an evident life of making right choices and putting Him first. My question is, how many of us really do that?
There are a few things I wish to address here. First, there are plenty of people who are living to please God but no one seems to take notice because they are too preoccupied with their own selfish lives to pay attention to anyone but themselves. Second, there are plenty of people who are trying to live to please God but are constantly bombarded with the worries of this world and their own busy lives that they allow themselves to become distracted and place God #2 or lower. Third, there are people who want others to believe they are living to please God, but really don’t even have a relationship with Him in order to genuinely want to please Him.
These things I’ve observed have come from my own life. I was once a person who wanted others to believe I was living to please God, but I had no relationship with Him. I used to work with the children in church every week, either helping with Sunday School or VBS or helping the choir director with the children’s choir. Don’t get me wrong, it was the most fun and enjoyable time for me, but when it became an expectation from everyone around (even myself), I realized, I was not fulfilled and I certainly didn’t feel any closer to God. What I found was, I liked the appreciation people would express when they approached me at church. I wasn’t much into the attention but the appreciation made me feel needed and worthy. When I looked at my church life and realized I didn’t really have a valuable relationship with God and my church wasn’t helping me get there, I decided (with my husband) that perhaps another way might be in order for me.
We left the church. We had no hard feelings toward anyone, however, there were some hard feelings toward us, interestingly enough, not by the members but by the pastor. Now I know why my relationship with God wasn’t growing through the pastor’s teaching and leadership. At that point in my life, I needed strong leadership to help me learn what God wants from me and develop it. I decided that I would continue to study the Bible on my own and watch some of the different preachers on TV. You have to be careful with that. There are some shady characters out there. But, there are also some very gifted and wise teachers who can at least point you in the direction you need to go. In the end, it’s always up to you to develop your relationship with God. No one can do it for you.
It took about a year for my relationship with God to begin to develop. Oh, and we took baby steps! I wasn’t experiencing revelation after revelation, but there would be times when I experienced a peace that is simply indescribable. That was what I was after because I just knew that was God. It’s been 6 years. I am still gradually developing that relationship, but the one new gift I have that I am trying to share with everyone is that peace. I am just amazed at how I really don’t get upset about things anymore. Yes, the doubtful thoughts come into my head, but they never stay. I don’t allow them to. I have a whole list of scripture stuck in my head for such occasions. The rest of the time? I have found great satisfaction in just telling God, “Thank you”. The incredible things He has done in my life is worth my eternal loyalty and devotion. He has saved me countless times from death and destruction. He has given me reasons to continue doing what I believe He needs me to do. I will do it and I pray that at the end of it all, something of what I have done will point back to Him and say, “None of this could have been accomplished without God Almighty.”

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